I’ve been watching the social media fallout surrounding the trial of Brock Turner, the swimming champion from Stanford who received a six-month sentence for sexually assaulting an unconscious woman in January of 2015. As with any other case that deals with violence against women, the reactions have been equal parts depressing and encouraging. Depressing because even now, the narrative persists that young white men convicted of rape are being unfairly denied their potential bright futures. Encouraging because every time this happens, it feels like we get a little closer to exposing the framework of rape minimization and acceptance that supports incidents like these. This case has made it clearer than ever that we as a society condone rape by privileging men’s feelings over victims’ trauma — and more people than ever have objected.

Most of the discussion has centered around two letters. The first is the impact statement written by the victim herself, which she read out loud in court on June 2 and which was subsequently published by Buzzfeed on June 3. The other is letter written by Turner’s father asking for leniency in his sentencing; Stanford law professor Michele Dauber brought this one to public notice when she tweeted a portion of it. The former letter is as gutting as the latter is tone-deaf. The woman that Turner attacked speaks of what it felt like to wake up in the hospital with pine needles and debris inside her vagina. Meanwhile, Turner’s father laments that his son no longer enjoys pretzels, and argues he has been forced to pay too high a price for “20 minutes of action.”

To read Turner’s father’s letter is to feel an immediate rush of pure fury. It’s tempting to just go full snark on it, because there is lot here to snark here: from Turner Senior’s lyrical description of Brock’s lost love for steak to his obstinate refusal to actually name his son’s crime, the letter reads like a bad parody of how someone might talk about a rapist. It’s much harder to read the letter earnestly; it feels almost impossible to comprehend that this man truly believes his son is the one deserving of pity. It’s more comfortable to mock — but we can’t just mock. We have to look at — really look at, unsparingly and in detail — all the ways in which Turner’s father’s letter exemplifies how rape culture works.

This case has made it clearer than ever that we as a society condone rape by privileging men’s feelings over victims’ trauma.
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Rape culture is the idea that sexual assault does not happen in a vacuum, but rather occurs because we are socialized in a way that normalizes and even celebrates sexual victimization of women. In my experience, most men have a twofold reaction to that definition: first they’ll ask how it can be true that rape is normalized if rape is also understood to be one of the worst crimes a person can commit, and second they’ll swear that they, personally, would never. When they say these things they will absolutely believe that they’re speaking the truth. And then a case like Brock Turner’s will come along and present some very uncomfortable challenges to those ideas.

Everyone can agree that rape is objectively wrong, but problems crop up when we try to parse exactly what rape is and under what circumstances it occurs. I’m willing to bet that more than a few men read the victim’s letter and had a pang of recognition — not of her experiences, but his. Because most men have done at least some of what Turner did. They’ve gone to parties with the intention of hooking up with someone; they’ve zeroed in on the vulnerable girls, the drunk girls, the girls who seem like they’d be easy to take home; they’ve assumed that silence or a lack of clear refusal is the same as consent. And when these men read the account of what Brock Turner did, even if they recognize it as awful, there’s a louder voice in their heads saying something like this could have been written about me.

And the brutal truth is, they’re right. A lot of men, a lot of self-professed good men, have done something like what Brock Turner did: maybe not after a frat party, maybe not on the ground behind a dumpster, maybe not with a girl so intoxicated that she was losing consciousness, but maybe not so far off. Perhaps in their case the girl was drunk, yes, but not so very much more drunk than they were, and she seemed to like it and the next morning they went out for breakfast. Perhaps the girl said yes to kissing and touching and even though she froze up when he tried to penetrate her she never actually said no. Perhaps he thought that every yes starts out as a no because someone told him so, or because every movie or TV show he’d seen showed a women having to be cajoled and worn down befor she agreed to sex. Whatever the circumstances, Brock Turner’s story forced them to look at their actions in a new light and what they saw didn’t jive with how they felt about themselves.

And it’s so much easier to say neither of us are rapists than it is to say both of us are rapists.

Rape culture is the idea that sexual assault does not happen in a vacuum.
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Most rapists aren’t monsters who lurk behind bushes and in dark alleyways waiting for unsuspecting women to walk by. In fact, statistics show that a woman is far more likely to be assaulted by someone she knows than by a stranger. Most rapists are men we know and like: our neighbors and our colleagues and sometimes even our friends. Men who might admit that things got a little bit out of hand, or that they didn’t mean to go that far but they got caught up in the heat of the moment. Men like my friend’s boyfriend, who once referred to beer as liquid panty remover only to declare minutes later that rapists deserve to be castrated. Men who think that consent is a one-time binary, yes or no, and not an ongoing process of checking in with their partners.

Men we think of as nice guys.

Men who look just like everybody else.

And the worst part is, this feels like a best case scenario. In fact, there’s a small part of me that is still somewhat shocked that a white man from a well-connected family was convicted at all.

But please, tell me again about how our society takes rape very seriously.

Brock Turner’s father might be right that he does not have a violent past. It might, in fact, be accurate to say that up until the events of January 17th, 2015, Brock Turner had led an exemplary life. It’s possible that at the time Turner did not consider what he was doing to be sexual assault. But it was. The fact that he’s not a violent monster doesn’t mean he isn’t a rapist. He’s a rapist because he committed a rape. If these nice men who kind of sort of identify with what he did committed rapes, they’re rapists too.

And this is what we need to talk about over and over: the fact that nice boys from nice families commit rape. The fact that assault can happen even when the rapist does not “feel like” he is committing rape, because someone told him that attacks like the one Brock Turner committed are just normal romance. The fact that Brock Turner’s feelings seem to have greatly trumped those of the woman he assaulted.

We need to talk about how so many reactions to stories like these center the mens’ feelings.

And then we need to talk about how we can drown out those voices with the voices of survivors.

21 gleeful gift ideas to help you resist, babies. Resist.

I remember as last year drew to a close we were all making cutesy 2016 dumpster fire ornaments and naively telling ourselves that the coming year was going to be better. It had to be, right? Then in swept that weird personification of New Year’s, the jolly baby with the 2017 sash, and he chortled darkly and was all, “You fools, you have no idea how bad I’m gonna be.” We just looked at each other and laughed nervously and said, “Oh, well, what does an ugly old baby know anyway?”

But guess what? That baby knew.

Oh did that baby ever know.

Anyway, here we are at the end of 2017, grizzled, battle-weary, and staring down the barrel of yet another year of Trump as president. This holiday season, it feels tempting to go full hermit — after all, who feels like celebrating right now? Not me, that’s for sure. But you know what? I’m not going to give into my desire to crawl into bed for the next three months. Instead, my final act of resistance in this long year of resisting will be to celebrate the fuck out of the holidays.

I’m gonna spend the next few weeks shoveling canapés into my mouth and tossing back frouffy drinks like there’s no tomorrow. I’m going to have fun in spite of everything. My glee will be a giant middle finger to the entire Trump administration. I’ll be the William Wallace of Christmas parties, yelling that they can do their best to take our lives but they’ll never take our ability to experience joy.

With that in mind, I offer you the 2017 Feminist Killjoy Gift Guide. Resist, babies. Resist.

1. Princess Leia ‘Rebel’ Mug

It’s no secret that I fucking love Carrie Fisher and, by extension, Leia Organa. More than once during this bleak year I’ve reminded myself that if General Organa can keep fighting the Empire after losing literally every important person in her life, then I can certainly try to push through my despair and do my part. And what better daily reminder to destroy oppressive systems than drinking your morning coffee out of this mug? I know rebel can be a noun, but in this case I prefer to think of it as a verb in the second person imperative — a reminder to get out there and rebel already.

2. ‘Get Lost (In A Book)’ Pin

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman reading a book alone in a coffee shop is bound to draw the attention of every Literary Young Man within a five mile radius. “Wow, that’s a big book,” they’ll say. “Who’s it by? Oh, I’ve never heard of her. Have you ever read any Bukowski?” Since silently engaging in the solo activity of reading a book isn’t enough to convince these men that you don’t want to talk to them, try wearing this delightful Get Lost pin.

3. Truth Bombs Bath Bombs

Lately to de-stress I’ve been taking a lot of Ativan baths. And not just baths, but luxury fucking baths. I mean, baths with epsom salts, bath bombs, candles, snacks, drinks — the works. I spend hours reading escapist fiction in the bath and pretending everything is fine. It’s very therapeutic! For a hilarious twist on the bathing experience, I recommend Truth Bombs, bath bombs that contain messages like “he doesn’t deserve you” and “congrats, you’re basic.” Like fortune cookies but more soothing for the muscles!

4. ‘#Resist Bear’ Shirt

If there was one thing none of us could predict about the Trump presidency, it was that the National Parks would be the first government service to go rogue. And yet, that’s exactly what they did in January of this year! Show your support for those disruptors disguised as park rangers with this Smokey-looking Bear #Resist shirt.

5. Angry Girls Club Colouring Zine

If there’s anything better than devoting a soothing afternoon to coloring books and perfectly sharpened pencil crayons, it’s definitely doing all of that with the bonus of having a handmade feminist zine to color in. The Angry Girls Club Colouring zine helps you make your self-care even more political than it already was!

6. Dust II Onyx: A Melanated Tarot

Tarot can be a fun and amazing tool for getting in touch with your intuition, but unfortunately most of the mainstream tarot decks available don’t reflect the diversity of those practicing the craft. Artist Courtney Alexander is working to rectify that with her gorgeous Dust II Onyx deck, which, according to her website, features “78 mixed media collage paintings accented with gold and spot gloss featuring cultural myths, symbolism, history and icons within the Black Diaspora.” The deck also comes with a 220-page hardbound guidebook.

7. Many Moons Workbook

Speaking of all things woo, I can’t recommend this workbook highly enough. Using wonderfully inclusive language, Many Moons offers rituals, astrology, and endless encouragement for every moon phase in a six month period. I was honestly skeptical at first, but it has been genuinely life-changing. My therapist refers to it as my “lunar-based cognitive behavioral therapy,” which, frankly, isn’t far from the truth. This is the perfect treat for someone in your life who is feeling a little lost and is looking to connect with her witchy side.

8. ‘Dinosaur Eats Man, Woman Inherits The Earth’ Patch

A bonus feature of this patch is that every time you see it you will probably think of Jeff Goldblum lying around sweaty and shirtless in Jurassic Park. I mean, only if that’s your thing! It is definitely my thing.

9. ARTSNACKS Subscription Box

I fucking love a good subscription box. Cute things? That I like? Every month? In the mail? Sign me the heck up! If making art is your jam, then this box is for you. Every month you’ll get 4–5 full-sized art products, a “menu” describing each product, and some information on how to use it and what techniques to try. Even more fun, there’s a “challenge” every month to try to create something using only the products in that month’s box, and participants are encouraged to post their creations on social media under the hashtag #ArtSnacksChallenge. The great thing about art is that you can use it either to avoid your feelings or work through your feelings. It’s very versatile!

10. ‘Girls Against More Male Art’ Socks

Speaking of art, these socks would be perfect for the person in your life who is tired of going to galleries and seeing works that are 99.9% by dudes. Because it’s not that we hate male art, it’s just that we don’t really need more of it.

11. ‘Liberté, Egalité, Sorotité’ Wall Tapestry

France’s post-revolution motto of liberté, égalité, fraternité (liberty, equality, brotherhood) is pretty alright, but it’s even better when you substitute sisterhood for brotherhood. This wall hanging would make an excellent addition to any Feminist Killjoy’s living space!

12. ‘Fuck Shame’ Pin

Fuck shame. Just fuck it. Fuck feeling ashamed about our bodies, our emotions, our life choices. Fuck it all.

13. ‘Decolonize Body Image’ Magnet

Nalgona Positivity Pride is a xicana-brown* body-positive organization that focuses on creating eating disorders awareness in communities of color, and on decolonizing the body. They make beautiful art like this magnet, which serves the double purpose of sprucing up someone’s fridge and reminding everyone around to challenge Euro-centric beauty standards.

14. ‘Nonbinary’ Pin

This delightfully nerdy pin features the word “nonbinary” written in binary code. Perfect for the nerdy nonbinary individual in your life who loves a good pun!

15. ‘I Am Rooting For Everybody Black’ Shirt

I know a lot of people who love this Issa Rae quote. Maybe you know some too? If yes, I bet they would love one of these shirts!

16. ‘Be An Eleven’ Tote

Get out there. Fuck shit up. Save your friends. Save the world. Wear a cute dress. Eat a box of eggos. Glare nonchalantly at people. Don’t lie. Be an Eleven. We need more Elevens.

17. ‘GRL PWR’ Pillow

This delightful pillow — which is available in a range of pastel colors — would perfectly complement the decor of many a Feminist Killjoy’s abode. Throw pillows make great gifts because they say, “I want your place to look cute but I also want you to take naps if you need to.”

18. ‘A Witch Bows To No Man’ Sticker

This sticker is perfect for the feminist witch in your life. Which I suspect is most of the witches in your life. And if you don’t have any witches in your life, well, I suggest you find yourself some because witches are some of the best people around.

19. ‘Feminist’ Necklace

“Nice necklace,” he’ll say.

“Thank you,” the friend you bought this necklace for will say. “It is the metaphorical knife with which I will slice the white-cis-heteropatriarchy into ribbons. And then I will use those ribbons to decorate whatever I want. Maybe you’ll even want a ribbon to wear in your hair, because once the revolution is over men will no longer be terrified of embracing traditionally feminine accoutrements.”

“Oh,” he’ll say. “Ok. Good. Did you want any cream or sugar in your coffee?”

20. ‘Trans Punks’ Shirt

“Smash The Cis-tem” would make a great band name, I’m just saying. And this shirt would make a great gift for someone on your list!

21. Maxine Waters Pin

Let us conclude this list (and our year) by taking a cue from the venerable Maxine Waters and reclaiming our time. This pin is ideal for the days when you need a little encouragement to remind the men in your life to stop talking over you and LET YOU USE YOUR TIME. Now is the time to reclaim everything that belongs to you and you alone: your time, your joy, your place in the world.

Shine bright, darlings. Happy holidays.

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]]> https://theestablishment.co/general-leia-organa-is-the-hero-we-need-right-now-c16cb7a02d16/ Thu, 29 Dec 2016 00:36:34 +0000 https://theestablishment.co/?p=6346 Read more]]> Carrie Fisher made Princess Leia into something so much greater.

The first Leia Organa that I knew and loved was a princess, although she wasn’t like any of the other princesses I’d seen in movies. She was smart and funny and loud and strong, and she had a true gift for getting in savage digs against anybody who looked at her crosswise. She didn’t need rescuing, and she had cool hair. For 9-year-old Anne, that Leia was basically perfect.

But in the wake of Carrie Fisher’s death, I’m not thinking about Leia the princess. Right now all of my thoughts are of the woman she became in 2015’s The Force Awakens: the older, wiser, battle-scarred leader of anti-Empire rebels. The Leia I need now is General Leia Organa.

General Organa doesn’t have the same glamor she did when she went by the name Princess Leia. She’s not young anymore, and she’s traded in her snowy white robes for a more serviceable outfit in drab earth tones. She doesn’t wear any insignia or other obvious indication of her rank. She’s given up her fancy updos for a more matronly hairstyle. She could be any other middle-aged woman, except for the way that she carries herself: with the swagger of someone who has grown accustomed to being in command.

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The Leia I need now is General Leia Organa.
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This Leia is not the smart-alecky ingenue of A New Hope. She’s the brilliant strategist who has to make a split-second decision after learning that their star system is the Starkiller base’s next target. She’s the compassionate leader who is willing to break up a meeting with high-ranking resistance officers in order to thank and comfort Finn. She’s the woman who senses that Han Solo — the only man that she has ever loved — has been killed, and after taking a moment to register that she swallows her grief and returns to her work.

She has done this over and over: swallowed her grief, returned to the work. At this point she has eaten decades of grief. This is a Leia who has lost almost every important person in her life: Her biological mother died shortly after her birth. Her biological father was a literal monster who barely knew she existed. Her home planet was destroyed when she was just a teenager, and her parents were killed in its destruction. Later, her son Ben was drawn to the dark side, and her brother Luke, who had been Ben’s teacher, was driven by his grief and guilt to an unknown planet at the edge of the universe. It was this same grief that presumably led her erstwhile husband, Han Solo, to reassume his role as a wise-cracking criminal.

Leia could have run away too. It would have been both easy and forgivable. Instead, she did what so many women have done throughout history: she held it together. She kept going.

Watching the early Star Wars movies, it’s clear that Leia was never meant to be the protagonist; she was meant to be the protagonist’s sexual prize. The audience is supposed to root for Luke, the Chosen One with special Jedi powers (never mind that Leia is also sensitive to the Force and probably would have crushed Yoda’s bootcamp), or else they’re supposed to love the roguish Han Solo. Leia was never supposed to be anything other than someone’s main squeeze. But something weird and magical happened in the story arc from A New Hope to The Force Awakens: Leia became the sleeper hero of the Star Wars franchise.

We have Carrie Fisher to thank for that, for bringing something to Leia that was deeper and more resonant than superficial specialness or charm. Leia was written as an empty vessel, and Fisher poured herself inside: her own pain, her own quiet struggle, her own resolve. With Fisher animating her, the princess who was supposed to be an object of romance became instead an engine of revolt. Leia is in it for the long haul. She fights and fights and fights, even when her family quits on her and the odds seem impossible. For Leia, doing whatever she can to bring down the fascist Empire is more important than her feelings or personal life. Without her steadfast presence, the rebellion would have been quashed long before Rey was born.

Like Fisher, Leia earned every tiny ounce of respect that came her way. She was given the title of princess because of who her parents were, but she earned the rank of general through hard and often miserable work. We love the mythos that heroes get where they are because they are special or chosen, and the people we hold up as icons reflect that. But the rebel army isn’t made up of Jedis — for the most part it’s just ordinary people united to fight for the same cause. And Leia, in spite of having once been royalty and maybe having some ability with the Force, is mostly as ordinary as any other soldier; she rose through the ranks not by manipulating the Force but by learning leadership skills and military tactics.

Simply put: Leia got to where she was by showing up and quietly learning to do the work.

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In times like this steady fighters are needed, the ones who have seen the Chosen One come and go.
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Princess Leia was wonderful, but General Organa is the one I’m looking to these days for guidance. It’s hard not to give in to a numb sort of nihilism. As the future grows darker and more uncertain, it’s easy to believe that our individual actions are worth nothing compared to humanity’s obvious and urgent desire for self-destruction. Like Luke, I’m sure we all feel the temptation to run away somewhere where no one can find us and nothing bad can reach us; since our leaders seem so intent on blowing us all up, we may as well go somewhere picturesque to live out our last days. It’s also tempting to hope that the Chosen One is out there somewhere, ready to swoop in and fix everything. Both of those options absolve us of having to take any action. But it’s in times like this that the steady, stubborn fighters are needed, the ones who have seen the Chosen One come and go and still refuse to give up. The ones who don’t back down even when everything seems impossible. The ones determined to believe that there is a future in spite of the evidence to the contrary. The ones who would rather die for what they believe in than live to be complicit in a fascist regime.

I hope we can all find a way to be General Organa, for ourselves and each other. May we all be able to get up every day and, in spite of our pain and loss and fear, put on our boots and our earth-tone vests and plan to destroy the Empire.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year — the time when you wonder what the heck you’re gonna buy the feminist killjoy in your life, and I magically pop up out of nowhere and hand you this helpful list of suggestions!

The feminist killjoys in your life have likely been through a lot this year. Take some time this holiday season to treat them to something special. Here are a few ideas on where to start your shopping:

2016 Dumpster Fire Ornament

One of the things that makes feminism such a rich and varied tapestry is that we all have lots of differing opinions. So many opinions! And we love nothing more than to debate everyone else’s opinions! But one thing I think we can all agree on is that 2016 has truly been a literal dumpster fire. Commemorate our stinky burning metal trash box of a year with this hand-crafted ornament!

Votes For Women Print

Just a few months ago this would have seemed like a cute reference to a historical event. Now — well, I don’t mean to go all “THE DYSTOPIAN TIMES ARE COMING” on you, but frankly, who knows how long women will maintain their basic rights given the current political climate?

What I’m saying is: This print could possibly serve a double purpose of beautifying your home AND being affixed to a stick to be waved around at a political rally. Multitasking!

I Stand With Planned Parenthood Shirt

Speaking of our adorable political climate, check out this sweet T-shirt. With its pattern of abstract vaginas (NEW BAND NAME) and its pro-reproductive-justice slogan, it’s guaranteed to delight the feminist in your life.

As an added bonus, $2 from every T-shirt sale will be donated to Planned Parenthood!

Brilliant Boss Lady Gift Box

It can be hard to be a woman who’s large and in charge. When you’re assertive, people call you a strident bitch. Your ambition is seen as something to be hidden or made less threatening. Men feel more emasculated than usual.

This holiday season, celebrate the Brilliant Boss Lady in your life with this gift box. It includes such delights as:

– “DESTROY” necklace with a knife-shaped pendant
– Badass Bitch pencil set
– Brilliant and Bossy Luxury Soap
– “I’m Not Bossy, I’m the Boss” socks
– “I’m Not Here to Make Friends” socks
– “Not Smiling Makes Me Smile” framed print
– Boss Lady zipper pouch
– “10 Principles of Bullishness” booklet

I’m Not Sorry About Your Fragile Masculinity Pendant

Speaking of jewelry that is appropriate for boss ladies, this pendant is a perfect way to set the tone at a board meeting. Or any meeting. Actually, I’m not sure what scenario in life this necklace wouldn’t work for.

Black Lives Matter Shirt

In the recent post-election fallout, there was much discussion of the work that needed to be done in order to keep the most marginalized Americans safe from Trump. There were many people who came up with suggestions of concrete action that could be taken immediately, and there were also many (white) people who thought that the answer was . . . safety pins.

As the always-wonderful Ijeoma Oluo pointed out — what does it say about people when they won’t wear a Black Lives Matter shirt but jump all over the idea of showing ally-ship with a safety pin?

This holiday season, don’t blow your hard-earned cash on safety pins. Put your money where your mouth and alleged morals are and pick up a Black Lives Matter shirt. We suggest this one from the Civil Rights Museum gift shop — it comes with a W.E.B Dubois quote on the back from Souls of Black Folk that is as relevant today as it was when it was published in 1906.

Shirley Chisholm Lapel Pin

. . . but if you’re still stuck on the idea of a pin, you can’t go wrong with this gorgeous lapel pin featuring an image of Shirley Chisholm. Chisholm was the first Black woman elected to the United States Congress, representing New York’s 12th congressional district for seven terms. In 1972, she became the first Black candidate for a major party’s nomination.

And seriously, is there a better life motto than UNBOUGHT & UNBOSSED?

Make Boys Uncomfortable Sticker

Since we’re on the subject of life mottos, here’s another great one! This sticker will make the perfect stocking stuffer for the feminist you love.

Vagenda Of Manocide Shirt

The Vagenda of Manocide may be one of the few good things to come out of 2016, other than the Cubs winning the series (depending on who you cheer for, I guess — I’m not even a Cubs fan, I just love watching all those videos of senior citizens crying and hugging because their team finally won). As Alexandra Petry wrote back in a more hopeful time (namely October), “The nasty women must make haste. The Vagenda is quite full.” With a Trump presidency on the horizon, that statement is even more true.

Show your commitment to the Vagenda with this exactly perfect shirt.

¡Libérate, Mujer! Tote Bag

Look, feminists have places to go and shit to do and frankly we are chronically in need of cute, practical ways to carry all of our important feminist stuff from one place to another. This bag will be amazing for the feminist on your shopping list whose daily bring-everywhere accessories include two books, a journal, their current knitting project, and a supply of candy (because you never know when you might need candy).

Genderfluid Shirt

I am a sucker for a good pun, so frankly they had me at “Good For The Trans*Mission.” This shirt makes a great gift for the genderfluid feminist babe in your life!

Nerd Necklace

Speaking of words like genderfluid and genderqueer, have you by any chance noticed how amazing the Merriam-Webster dictionary’s social media presence is? This holiday season, buy your favorite feminist a low-key shoutout to the world’s most deliciously shady lexicon in the form of this clear glass pendant containing a cutout of the word “nerd” from a vintage Webster’s dictionary.

Magical Objects Of The Wizarding World Poster

I am an adult and I understand the difference between need and want so please take that into consideration when I tell you that I need this poster that neatly organizes and catalogues nearly every magical object from the Harry Potter series. I NEED IT. And I dare say someone you know and love does too.

Safety Lights Are For Dudes Cross Stitch

Give this cute little cross-stitched version of Holtzmann’s motto to your favorite feminist to serve as a bit of daily inspiration. They don’t need safety lights! They’re not like that big baby Dr. Venkman who needs baby stuff like safety lights on everything just to make sure he doesn’t die! All they have to do is make sure that no one crosses the streams and everything will be fine.

Witch Pendant

As noted previously on this site, witches are hot right now, and part of their appeal for women is that practicing witchcraft gives them a sense of power and control that they are often otherwise lacking in their lives. Help your favorite feminist channel her inner witch and tap into some cosmic power with this hand-stamped heart-shaped WITCH pendant.

What Is A Witch Book

Speaking of witches, the spooky art-lover in your life is bound to adore Tin Can Forest Press’ latest offering, What is a Wtich. Their own description of the book far exceeds anything I can write, so I’ll just post this bit from their website:

I own this book and can personally guarantee that there is nothing else on this planet that so perfectly treads the fine line between beautiful and weird.

MoonBox

Continuing on with the witchy theme, we have to admit that we are absolutely smitten with Gaia Collective’s MoonBox. The boxes follow an Ipsy model, meaning that you receive a new one with new contents on a monthly basis, and they are available in a variety of styles and prices. For $12.50 a month, you can receive a hand-picked crystal, an herbal tea, and a new essential oil blend — a pretty decent price for such a sweet monthly pick-me-up.

Midnight Run Tank Top

I’ll be straight with you: There is nothing overtly feminist about this tank top. It’s kinda witchy, but otherwise there’s no really good reason to include it in this gift guide. The only reason I can come up with is: I love it and I assume some of you will love it too. AND IT’S MY DAMN GIFT GUIDE AND I CAN INCLUDE WHATEVER I WANT. (Clearly the absolute power of writing every year’s gift guide has finally corrupted me absolutely.)

Translady Fanzine

What better way is there to actively support trans artists than by buying their work? This holiday season, order your favorite feminist killjoy a copy of the gorgeous first issue of Translady Fanzine.

As per their website:

“Translady Fanzine focuses on one woman of trans experience per issue, showcasing vivid photographs of the model as she wishes to be seen, featuring exclusive text of her experience in her own words. Translady Fanzine is visual proof of contemporary trans existence.”

Flower Vial FU Necklace

Do you ever have days where you just want to tell pretty much everyone you meet to fuck off? But, like, quietly? Maybe with a sneaky piece of jewelry? So that they never know, but you have the personal satisfaction of having sartorially flipped off everyone you’ve run into? Well, this sweet little necklace, with its vial of dried flowers and blink-and-you’ll-miss-it FU tag, is perfect for those days.

Mad Girl’s Love Song Tights

Speaking of wearable hidden (or in this case, really not so hidden) messages, this pair of tights with Sylvia Plath’s poem “Mad Girl’s Love Song” printed on them are just too cute to pass up. The Plath-loving feminist in your life will be all over this literary addition to her wardrobe.

Fat Artists Rule Shirt

I know we all support body positivity in theory, but this is a great chance to support it in practice as well. Take a public stance on fat empowerment by wearing this shirt and showing your love for four amazing fat artists — Brittany Howard, Debora Iyall, Beth Ditto, and Big Mama Thornton. This is your chance to make a statement about your politics and look great while doing so!

Bi-Furious Necklace

You know what they say! When you’re done being bi-curious, it’s time to get bi-furious! Let this necklace help you on that journey.

Don’t Touch My Hair Shirt

I know you’ve all already listened to Solange Knowles’ “A Seat At The Table,” because this is the Feminist Killjoy Gift Guide and not the Gift Guide For People With No Taste In Music. If you love Solange’s latest album and you often find yourself telling (or wishing you could tell) people to keep their damn hands off your hair, then this is the shirt for you.

Self-Care Index

There are many differing opinions about the term “self-care” and whether or not certain prescriptive iterations of self-care are more dangerous than they are useful. All of which is to say that depending on your feelings about self-care, this book may not be for you. That being said, I do challenge anyone to not be both soothed and charmed by a self-care zine that has an entire section dedicated to corgi butts.

Ms. Andry’s Bath House Products

Since we’re talking about self-care, what better gift for a feminist killjoy than a set of delicious feminist-themed bath products? With names like “Ruth Bather Ginsburg Bubble Bath” and “Elizabeth Warren Shower Gel,” these are guaranteed to be a hit.

Binge-Watching Survival Kit

Of course, another very valid and important form of self-care is the Netflix Binge Watch. This year, give someone you love the self-care they need while they practice self-care with this Binge-Watching Survival Kit. The kit includes stuff like coasters, emergency socks, a snack clip, face-cleansing towelettes, and a sofa yoga guide — all guaranteed to make a holiday binge-watch all the more enjoyable.

Yes Homo Cross Stitch Kit

And if you want to add in a little something for your loved one to do with their hands while spending long afternoons Netflixing away, why not try this Yes Homo cross stitch kit? Not only is it a fun and crafty activity, once it’s done they’ll have a cute new decoration for their home! This gift pairs perfectly with all the Dean/Castiel shipping you’ll inevitably do while marathoning Supernatural.

Stranger Things Coloring Book

This is for the feminist in your life who has already watched the entire Stranger Things series 10 times and is still craving more Stranger Things; help ease them through the waiting period until Season 2 with this wonderful coloring book. This is their chance to use their pencil crayons to give Winona her very own Winona Forever tattoo!

Empowered Women Empower Women Print

This list started out on a bleak note, but we want to finish on a hopeful one. As a woman, it’s hard not to embrace a scarcity model of, well, life. We’re socialized to believe that there are only a few top spots for women in any given field (but, naturally, that there are plenty for men), and that the only way to gain them is through cutthroat competition for other women. But you know what? Seeing other women succeed helps women succeed. Seeing women achieve things helps other women believe that they can achieve things. A rising tide lifts all boats.

This gorgeous print deserves to be hung in a place where it can be seen every day and can serve as a reminder to be inspired by other women and to try to live a life that inspires.

Want EVEN MORE AMAZING ideas? Check out our updated guide from last year.

The sleepovers I attended as a little kid all followed a similar pattern: We would have dinner, retreat to the family room to watch whatever movies had been rented for us, consume enormous amounts of soft drinks, and then, riding that sugar high, stay up into the wee hours of the morning giggling over anything and everything. This routine continued until shortly before we hit puberty, at which point our sleepovers took a darker turn. As soon as the rest of the family was in bed, we would abandon the family room and whatever embarrassingly babyish movie had been provided for our entertainment and instead make a beeline for the basement. There, in the chill darkness lit by a single dangling lightbulb, we would try to do magic.

Our forays into the dark arts never went further than the most standard of supernatural party tricks: daring each other to do Bloody Mary, asking the ouija boards about our futures, taking turns levitating each other using the old light as a feather, stiff as a board game. Sometimes we tried to cast spells or make voodoo dolls of our frenemies; one girl had an older sister who was Wiccan, and we would pore over her books and notes whenever we got the chance. We lit pink candles and chanted the names of boys we liked, hoping to magically persuade them to like us back. Altogether it was all pretty harmless, although at the time those sleepovers hit that perfect sweet spot between thrilling and terrifying.

I realize now that my friends and I weren’t alone in our attempts to practice witchcraft. In fact, most of the women I’ve talked to have had similar experiences — in some senses, it almost feels like a girlhood rite of passage. Certainly the tradition has a rich history. To pick a very famous example, consider the story of Betty Parris and Abigail Williams, whose accusations of witchcraft sparked the Salem Witch Trials. Ten-year-old Betty and her older cousin Abigail would meet up with other young girls in Salem to practice what they called “little sorceries.”
Most of their activities centered around divining who their future husbands would be, because for a 17th century girl, the greatest indicator of how your life would play out was who you married and what social status you achieved through that marriage. To find this out, the girls used a form of ovomancy, or egg magic, called a “Venus glass,” which worked by dripping the white of an egg into a glass of water. By watching the shape the egg white took, the girls hoped to find clues about their futures.

While fortune-telling might seem to be at odds with the conservative form of Christianity practiced by the Puritans, the truth is that folk magic or, as they called it, “white magic,” was frequently (if secretly) practiced by women in early American Puritan communities. In fact, when Betty and Abigail began to experience strange fits and other signs of bewitchment — signs which appeared, interestingly enough, shortly after they’d been playing at sorcery — one of the first remedies tried was a bit of folk magic called a witch’s cake. This cake — which was suggested by the girls’ neighbor Mary Sibley — was made of rye flour mixed with urine from the afflicted girls. The cake was then fed to a dog with the hope that the dog’s behavior would somehow reveal the identity of the person bewitching the girls.

Although the intentions behind the witch cake were noble, when Betty’s father, the Reverend Samuel Parris, found out about it, he took to his pulpit to denounce Mary Sibley, calling the witch’s cake “diabolical.” Mary Sibley immediately confessed and repented; had she not, she would likely have been among those convicted and killed for witchcraft. From this story and the story of Betty and Abigail and their friends practicing divination, we can conclude two things: firstly, that charms and spells and other types of folk magic were commonly used even in strict Puritan communities, and secondly, that no matter how “white” the magic was, the women who performed it were always suspected of evil.

In the 300 years that have elapsed since the Salem Witch Trials, our preoccupation with witches hasn’t waned, although thankfully it has grown less deadly. We’re just as fascinated by witches as our ancestors — perhaps even more so. Certainly the past few years have seen a resurgence of witchesin pop culture.

These days, the terms witch or witchy cover a broad spectrum of things — it might mean someone who practices witchcraft (who may or may not align with a particular pagan or neopagan religion), but then again it might not. In some ways, 2016’s version of “witchy” might seem to refer to more of an Instagrammable aesthetic choice than anything else — wearing dark lipstick and crystal pendants, growing cute kitchen herb gardens, and arranging household altars of dried flowers and animal skulls. It’s tempting to write these things off as being merely superficial affectations, but to do so would be a grave underestimation. Beneath all that glossy packaging hums the same idea that has tantalized girls for millennia: the fact that to be a witch is to be a woman with power in a world where women are often otherwise powerless.

To be a witch is to be a woman with power in a world where women are often otherwise powerless.
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On some level, all of the contemporary trappings of witchiness tap into that desire to feel powerful. Black or dark purple lipstick might currently be in vogue, but on some level they subvert traditional feminine beauty standards and the ability to subvert or reject the status quo often confers a sense of power. To grow your own kitchen herbs and have some knowledge of herb lore are powerful in the sense that the ability to provide for yourself — even on a small scale — is a type of power. And, of course, the idea that setting out a particular arrangement of objects in a particular way with the intent of influencing real-life events is a type of power.

According to Ayşe Tuzlak, who has a PhD in religion and specializes in gender and ritual in the ancient world, it was women’s inability to obtain power through established means and their subsequent attempts to access it through other channels that informed western ideas of what it meant to be a witch:

“European Christian women in late antiquity and the Middle Ages were generally barred access to institutional power, and thus women who expressed their religiosity in unapproved ways, or in ways that were ‘too feminine’ by the standards of the culture, were branded as witches or heretics. The institutions of that time and place had certain assumptions about appropriate behavior for men and women, and what was considered real Christianity and what was not. Thus the people who had a vested interest in those institutions began to pay neurotically close attention to anything that looked ‘too feminine,’ and expanded the significance of feminine symbols — like the broom, an ordinary domestic tool — to include dangerous associations, for example flying at night to secret meetings. Because if a woman looked like she was seizing spiritual power that wasn’t hers by right, then everything “feminine” about her because suspect and morally charged.”

Witch is a highly gendered term, and like most such terms, its masculine counterparts — terms like wizard, warlock, sorcerer, or mage — do not quite mean exactly the same thing. This is not to say that witches are never men, or that men have never been killed for practicing witchcraft, but rather that the vast bulk of those accused of being witches have been women.

Witch is a highly gendered term.
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Tuzlak explains that just as the term slut — a term so gendered that people will often say man-slut if they are using it to refer to a man — says more about how a woman is viewed than it does about her sexual history, so too does the historical use of witch tell us more about how well a woman fit into contemporary gender roles than it does about her actual use of magic:

“I tend to see ‘witch’ as a social category imposed upon a woman who doesn’t fit acceptable religious categories. Which is why I usually put words like ‘witchcraft’ in scare-quotes; for me the word ‘witch’ is kind of like the word ‘slut,’ in that it’s a way to mark a woman as unacceptable and Other, rather than an objective measure of her religion or her sexual behavior. Just as you can’t tell how much sex a woman actually has by how often she’s called a slut, so also you can’t really tell anything about a woman’s religion based on whether a priest or a neighbor calls her a witch. And some women who have lots of sex or heretical opinions might pass under the radar because they can perform social acceptability in other ways.”

Given all of that, what exactly does witch mean? The term walks that tricky knife’s edge of a slur that has been reclaimed by some of the people it might be used against. How do we figure out how to balance the fact that witch is both an accusation that has been historically deadly to women, and also an identity that many find empowering? For Tuzlak, the answer lies in understanding the place the witch has traditionally occupied in cultural hierarchies:

“I tend to understand things in terms of power structures and insider/outsider status with regard to institutions. So, to use our own culture as an example, if someone offers me drugs in a carpeted office, neatly groomed, wearing a white lab coat, with a name tag that says Dr. Something on it, then I will probably assume that that person has my best interests at heart and that the drugs he or she is giving me are going to help me (even though none of those things are necessarily true). If someone wearing a hoodie offers me drugs in an alleyway out of a baggie, I will likely assume that the drugs are ‘just for fun,’ and that the person is dangerous and not especially committed to my well-being (though none of those things might be true either). There are lots of shades of grey between these two extremes of licit and illicit, too — the friend of a friend who can get you weed, the naturopath who advertises in the back of a new age magazine, your auntie who’s just really good at helping pregnant women with their morning sickness, the not-quite-legal-but-never-really-busted dispensary, the friend who’s not taking Lyrica any more and gives you the rest of her scrip when you’re hard up.

“Assuming we’re talking about ‘real’ witches here (i.e., not just someone who’s accused of witchcraft by an inquisition, but a local wise woman or healer), I see the witch’s work as falling on a similar spectrum. She is clearly not offering the ‘official’ help that a physician or priest would, which brings with it a lot of risks, but which also allows someone to work outside a system that doesn’t necessarily offer her what she needs. I think the ‘witch’ in this sense is a crucial contribution to the social health of a culture, especially a culture that is under the heel of powerful institutions that do not take women or other marginalized groups seriously.”

And yet it’s hard not to notice that as much as the idea of the witch subverts traditional gender roles, it also, in some ways, upholds them. This is especially apparent in our modern take on the witch, especially when it comes to the Neopagan movement, a set of modern pagan religions of which Wicca is the most well-known. Many practices and beliefs in various sects of Neopaganism can be very rigid and cis-normative in their treatment of gender, and this, of course, has the unfortunate consequence of perpetuating gender stereotypes. As Tuzlak puts it:

“The image of the ‘witch’ can be both liberating and oppressive to women, very often at the same time. The history of modern witchcraft makes gendered language very hard to escape. Keep in mind that most of the primary branches of Neopagan practice were shaped by men, which means that Gardnerian/Alexandrian/Crowleyan constructions of masculinity and femininity arise out of very conservative views on gender, in line with the assumptions of 19th-century English esotericists and the medieval/early modern texts they were working with. As a result, a lot of introductory magic textbooks talk in a very uncritical way about the ‘masculine’ sun and the ‘feminine’ moon, ‘masculine’ fire and ‘feminine’ water, and so on. That said, Gardnerian and Alexandrian branches aren’t all there is, and there were smart, badass, complicated women like Helena Blavatsky, Dion Fortune, and Doreen Valienteinvolved even in the earliest stages of modern witchcraft, and in the past few decades there has been a move to make Neopaganism more intersectional and queer.”

It’s not hard to understand why witches and witchcraft continue to hold sway over women — especially young women on the cusp of adulthood who are faced with a world that refuses to take them seriously except as sexual objects. Not only has witchcraft historically offered women power that they might not otherwise be able to access, but witches offer girls and women an alternative role model to the ubiquitous young, beautiful Disney princess. A witch can be any age; a witch does not need to be conventionally attractive; a witch does not wait for a prince charming, nor does she rely on anyone but herself. Given that, the witch’s appeal is easy to appreciate. Tuzlak theorizes that young women’s attraction to witchcraft goes beyond even that and taps into our deep-seated need for ritual:

“Both boys and girls can be badly wounded by traditional Christian or Anglo-American gender roles, especially if they’re queer or trans or otherwise ill-fitting to those roles, and girls are going to suffer more acutely if the family is more reactionary in its politics. Magic is an unofficial shortcut to a feeling of spiritual power and belonging when legitimate methods have been closed off to you, and that happens to girls more often and more traumatically than boys in our culture. But I think that magic appeals to a lot of people who feel like they’re out of place in their local religious or social landscape. I don’t think Christian rituals (at least in many white/mainline/evangelical/Protestant churches — Christianity is very diverse and I do not like generalizing) serve young people very well, and I don’t think they serve young girls well in particular, which is another reason why young people find ways to fulfil their ritual needs elsewhere. There are so few formal, public rituals that recognize and affirm girls.”

It’s impossible to say where witchcraft will go from here or what “witchy” will look like a century or two from now. What seems certain is that as long as our society remains invested in hierarchical power structures that function by excluding certain groups of people, then those outsiders will continue to look for other things that fulfill their needs. And so long as the tradition of the witch exists, those who struggle to find legitimacy in traditional power structures will almost certainly be drawn to witchcraft — whatever that word or practice might mean to them. Because as much as we might try to define what a witch is or what she does, the truth is that the term is much broader than any one definition can contain. Or perhaps it is easier to simply say that a witch is someone who, when faced with a brick wall, learns to dig a tunnel. A witch is a survivor and witchcraft is a means of survival in a world that does not always value your life.